on the edge of mental breakdown!

So i went to the doctor today and was checked for dilation....of course i got my hopes up and im pretty upset that i have not dilated any yet. i am 50% effaced and supposedly thats a good sign but i just was hoping i would follow in the footsteps of my sisters pregnancy. i am just so ready to be done! with my pubic arch still KILLING me it hurts to even move. My vicotin has been helping me but it makes me extra loopy. when i lay down my back starts to hurt so then i go to switch sides but that sends a shooting pain in my pube area. its just all around horrible. i did feel contractions for the first time yesterday early early morning though and that is a good sign but it scared me for labor. they were so painful and only lasted for two hours! im just trying to find a positive side to being pregnant and alas there is nothing. i know i know the end will be worth it but i swear im going to choke the next person who tells me that. its not the end that im worried or fed up with its the NOW!!
spencer and i are about to go take some fall pictures. i am going to pop some vic before i go so i can attempt to feel happy and somewhat painfree while we go play in the leaves. i just hope for max's sake he and i can make it through the next few weeks without killing eachother. scratch that without me killing him. i love that boy with all my heart but its hard when your pregnancy 'partner' is about as mature as the fetus you are carrying. okay. happy pill time. peace for now!